


E.T's Day Out

by Sonofabicc



Category: E.T - Fandom, crack - Fandom
Genre: Crack Fic, Gangnam Style, Gay!E.T., I wrote this when I felt drunk and high, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Other, Vampire?Ted Cruz, golden showers, i tried to enter this into the Watty's but it wasn't eligible smh, it was roughly 2am when this was written, lemonade rivers, space golfing, this isn't meant to be serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:41:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonofabicc/pseuds/Sonofabicc
Summary: E.T was bored. A mysterious visitor with a promising proposition approached him, and things started looking better. It didn't end well......This is the same fic as Crack Fic by Nycwentz on wattpad. Fortunately, I am Nycwentz so no, this is not plagiarism.





	E.T's Day Out

It was a really shifty day on the planet of sheerejduehrv and E.T was bored as duck. He had no friends and was forever alone so he was like da fuq can I go with my free time. Then he got an idea- ideas are usually dangerous thingz! He considered just killing himself but it required to much effort ANF time. 'Oh fuck I guess I'm screwed' E.T sighed throwing his glowing fingers up in da air as he slumped to the ground. ")/? No fear." A mystic voice called from the void. "Just take me already I'm ready to die." Etsy begged. "I'm not the grim reaper u fuck it's me." The voice said and et was both sad and glad about this discovery C. Ted Cruz emerged from the shades, clad in batman pajama pants and a flowing cape. He looked like a vampire or some shit and ET was scared. "What do you want I'm suffering.@" ET said. "I want to play golf with you my son.&4" Ted cried.! "7 ain't my daddY." Et demanded. "I will be." Cruz said. Et backed away, but was intrigued by the previous offer. "Golf?" He asked. "Ya golf you out the ball in he hole and lalala it's fun." The zodiac killer Saudi. "I'm down for that." Et said. "Alright let's go to earth on my space buggy." TWD said. "9@/6!" T joyfully said and they left for earth or wherever the hell you play goof and shit.

The spaceship landed and ET went flying across the floor. "Aaaaaaa you suck at flying shit." He yelled as his body hit the wall. ":sorry sweet alien friend ." Ted Cruz said with a smile. They walked out the ship and went to fields and there were a lotta holes j t eh field. "That more craters than the moon!" Et said. Ted grabbed sticks and off they went to golf. They stood at the top of the hill and it was the first hole. "Et go first." Cruz said. "No I don't wanna you go you big ass mothers owe." Et snapped. Ted started to cry. He was a sad individual. Et felt bad so he starred to swing his golf club but then he tripped and fell down the hill. Ey felt his alien life flash before his orbs as he soared towards the hole. Ted was too busy crying so nobody could help poor ET as he sailed to his doom. He was a goner fa sure. All of. Sudden this is gospel started playing and ET was v confused 'wtf is occurring?' He asked to no one in particular. As ET spiraled through the void he found his body moving without his control. He started dancing to gangnam style even tho know music was a playing and he started to weep for the souls of people he did not know. Et saw purple and knives and oranges all at once and he screamed and tried to close his eyes. He saw lots of adult things and most of them scarred him deeply and he was a wreck. Et finally stopped dancing to gangnam style and he finally stopped spinning through the air. He landed on ground but he didn't know if it felt hard or soft. That wen he realized it felt sort of like cloth. 'Where am I?' He inquisited as he listened deeply to see if he could make out anyone. He did not. Et decided to fall asleep an dream. He dreamed of jake Gyllenhaal bc he was one hot jalapeño fuck. Then he started to cry because he was a gay alien alone and in peril. He was not with the beautiful Jake fuel grid and he was not on his home planet of shdjeojrrb. Then he felt a hand on his wrinkly skin. Et screamed louder than Dolphins. 

He looked up into the eyes of chuck Norris. "You aren't my sweet daddy Jake gulch she.!2 who the duck be you?" Et screamed. "U am your savior." Chuck said, and he protected ET from an incoming asteroid. "Oh wow thank you." Et said is disbelief. "Let's go." Chuck Norris said and they stated to walk. The ground was rainbow and the sky was nothing and the walls were twisty. Ets head really hurt. He didn't usher stand reality. The came across a pond with yellow liquid. "Da fuq is this piss!" Et CRUED. "No silly silly Mary Ho bob billy it is the juice of the great lemon God pinky funky." Chuck Norris exclaimed. Et proceeded to jump into the pond. It tasted like lemons but good. Lemons are typically evil. "I like flying!" Et said. "Good man." Chuck said and then he left. Et was alone again. But not for long. Suddenly q snorkeler appeared from under the lemon juice. It was none other than Jake hyphen all. "Come to me papa." Et said with enthusiasm. Jake Gyllenhaals eyes went wide and he ran away SCREAMINF. That's when Et realized he looked like a penis. He cried. So much that he drowned. The last thing Et saw before he slipped into darkness was Ted Cruz laughing. "I knew he would fall for it, the being loved lemons." He laughed maniacally. Mwa hah ha ha. Et said "fuck you." And then he died. He went to heaven and beautiful music played. But there was no Jake Gylehan. Et was a good soul. Ted Cruz went to hell for what he did. Rest in peace Et. 

The end.


End file.
